FOR 150 bucks you can buy a mattress full of heartbreak.
Some poor bloke listed his mattress for sale in what has to be the saddest Craigslist ad ever written.
The seller explained in the listing titled “Come get this Plush-ass Simmons Beautyrest out of my life” that he was disposing of the mattress after catching his girlfriend cheating on him on it.
“The pain of my broken heart now means less back pain for you!,” he wrote.
“It’s three years old, and feels like you’re sleeping on a f***ing cloud – even when you’re unknowingly sleeping next to a lying cheater.
“In a bad relationship and have to lie next to the constant reminder that you didn’t go to grad school so that you could move and get engaged? Then this is the bed for you, it will get you to f***ing REM and for 6-8 hours every night you’ll forget that you’re sleeping next to a sociopath. There are no stains, and this thing hasn’t seen action in a while.”
The spurned lover had a few conditions, namely, don’t agree to pay $150 and then offer $100 when you come to pick it up, “because that would make you a lying cheater, and I would rather set the mattress on fire and throw it out of the window rather than sell it to you”, he wrote.
“Seriously, I will lose it”.
And don’t even think about asking him for help carrying the mattress out of his apartment.
“And no, I won’t help you get it out to your car,” he wrote. “There are only eleven steps up to my apartment. You figure it out. I was going to sell the mattress for $200 but I figured it was worth the $50 to watch someone else have to struggle over this oppressive burden.
“Not a deal-breaker, but it would help immensely if you looked like my ex as I would love to see an entitled, Ivy-League educated a**hole struggle with this thing. But totally not necessary”.
The broken-hearted seller said he would be spending the money on Jack Daniels and a Fleshjack – an adult toy.
We hope this man’s next mattress brings him more luck than this one did.
I not to mention my buddies came analyzing the great guides located on your site and then all of the sudden I had an awful feeling I never expressed respect to the website owner for those secrets. These women came passionate to learn them and already have in actuality been taking advantage of these things. I appreciate you for getting so accommodating and also for pick out varieties of outstanding issues millions of individuals are really desirous to understand about. My honest regret for not saying thanks to earlier.
I simply desired to appreciate you all over again. I do not know what I would have taken care of without those tips documented by you concerning such industry. It actually was the distressing crisis for me personally, nevertheless considering your professional fashion you dealt with it took me to weep with happiness. I’m just happier for this support and then hope you recognize what a powerful job that you are carrying out training others all through your web page. More than likely you’ve never come across all of us.